Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
