Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
