You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize