Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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