wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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