Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
