He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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