Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
