my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
