sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Even my vagina gasped.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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