I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
