Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
