If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
