I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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