Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
