Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
