Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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