I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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