So drunk its hurt
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
