you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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