you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Couch. On fire.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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