i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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