I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
