Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
