I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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