I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
