dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
