Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
