I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
