Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
