I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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