It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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