I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize