I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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