if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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