Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
