I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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