Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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