There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
