He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
