thus making me awesome and them whores
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
