so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
