Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
