i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
