Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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