I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well you can't waste a boner
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize