Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
