we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
