But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Bring me that man meat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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