Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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