This girl is more easily done than said...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
