he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
