I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
