I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize