Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize