Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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