At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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