Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
