I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
