the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
