i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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