i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize