i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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