This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
