I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
