I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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