when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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