I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize