she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
