Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
