On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
pray to the hookup gods
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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