i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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