last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
