It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
