My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
