I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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