Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
