just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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