Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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