She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
