may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
