She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
