I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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