why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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