I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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