If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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