i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
