the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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