He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
