i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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