my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dear god my vagina.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
