All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
