I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
