Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
