so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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