I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
