I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize