Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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