It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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