i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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