Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Send help, water and tortillas.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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