When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize