remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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