god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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