after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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