mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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