One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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