Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
