You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
