Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
