I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize