rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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