On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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