My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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