All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
